I am unhappy in my marriage and when I came across a link to your blog thanks to Twitter and read your blog post what you need to do if your unhappy in a relationship I felt the tears roll down my face, so much of what you described is happening to me and it scares me.
I am in my late 30’s and have 2 children aged 3 and 8. I have been married for over 11 years now and although our friends and family often comment how happy we look and how lucky we are, I feel it’s a lie.
I don’t think it’s him, I think it’s me. I have never felt this way before, we have had our ups and downs but never have I felt I was unhappy being with him.
He doesn’t do anything wrong, he’s a good man, a good father and works hard so we have the lifestyle that we do, but I just don’t get those butterflies when he comes home anymore and I don’t exactly dread him coming home as such but I crave time on my own away from him.
The problem is I am a stay at home mum, I lost my job 18 months ago and he didn’t stress about it as I did, he took on extra hours at work and told me to enjoy the time at home. I did for the first few weeks as it was a novelty but now I hate it. I dread getting out of bed each morning.
I am now stuck at home all day with a tantrum throwing 3-year-old, this is still new to me as we normally had childcare and our children were settled into a routine. I don’t think our 3-year-old has taken to the change well and I know I can’t stimulate her as the childminders did as there were other children to play with.
Now don’t get me wrong I love my kids with every ounce of breath in me but being a stay home mum is twice as hard as working a 9-5 job. I don’t enjoy it at all. I used to look forward to coming home from work and having the weekend with them, we did things we planned things but now we do nothing as a family.
Come the weekend I am hoping my husband will take the kids out alone so I can have some much-needed me time.
Why I feel unhappy in my marriage
My mind seems to have turned to mush, I am miserable and now feel unhappy in my marriage. Weare arguing most days over petty things.
He loves coming home to a tidy house and his tea on the table, which didn’t happen when I was working as I worked further away than he does and he was often home before me, so he would collect the children from the childminders and be home before me.
I just feel I have no motivation now. I get up, I do the school run and then I am home all day with the 3-year-old, there are only so many times you can tidy a room and drink cups of coffee and I feel like life is passing me by. I have started to resent my husband, he gets to go out each day and talk with adults and build his career while I am stuck here.
I have tried talking to him about how I feel but he laughs it off and has no understanding of how I feel or why I would feel the way I do. It doesn’t help when he tells me I should feel lucky as there are plenty of moms out there who would give their right arm to be able to stay home and not have to leave their children in childcare.
I don’t know if I am unhappy with my life or unhappy in my marriage but my relationship with my husband has changed. I don’t even know if I want to be with him anymore. I feel guilty as a mom that I hate being home and I feel guilty that I feel unhappy in my marriage. But I can’t help how I feel.
Do you or your blog readers have any advice?