Self-loathing has always surrounded my negative life, the problem is that I am the only person that can make any positive changes in it; but I have allowed myself to become so consumed by self-loathing that I have found myself stuck in a deep dark hole.
I beat myself up over minor tasks and I detest the way I allow negative thoughts to drive me to believe I am useless.
I have begun to make positive changes and although I am taking small steps each day I have found that positive thinking is a great tool to learn.
It is a slow and somewhat frustrating learning curve as I do become angry with myself that I am the one to blame for the way I perceive myself, others see many positives, I am desperately trying to see them too.
But I am trying and that is what is making all the difference, finally accepting that I am in charge or my life and only I can decide how I choose to see it.
Depression and a lifetime of being a mental health patient has made me rather selfish, consumed with my own self-loathing and believing everything in my life is so bad, I have excluded so many people and achievements.
I am my own worst enemy, I put myself down and find it extremely difficult to accept compliments, when if someone were to tell me how well I had done something, I would be thinking I could have done better.
This negative thinking pattern has led to me leading a lonely and sad life. I am now challenging these negative thoughts and looking for the trust behind them, there never is any truth only my distorted thoughts.
I have to learn to love and accept myself before I can expect others too
The challenges and mental health illnesses I have faced in my life have forced me to feel shame and being ashamed of myself is something I have always felt.
I do not know why. I have always feared rejection from others and my low self-confidence has allowed the self-loathing to become gradually worse, to the point it fills my everyday rational thoughts and beliefs.
I am bipolar or I am depressed is never an excuse to hate yourself, I should be proud of all I have achieved and I do not have a doom and gloom future ahead of me, if you want to achieve your dreams then you have to go out there and fight for them and fighting my own self-loathing problems is on the top of my self-empowerment list.
I have so much I want to do with my life and the only thing holding me back is me. I am wasting so much of my time and energy focusing on all the negatives in my life I am making myself unhappy.
I am going to tackle my self-loathing problem because I am a lost shining little star who seems to have lost her sparkle and I can feel it wanting to shine though. Thanks to the power of positive thinking I am going to fight and win my battle.