Firstly do not judge me, I am here to ask for some help as I am desperate due to SPD pain and I just feel I can not carry on this way. I have two girls aged 3 years and 18 months. I had (SPD) symphysis pubis dysfunction with my first pregnancy, by 7 months I was on crutches and then ended up in a wheelchair.
The SPD pain was nothing that I could ever explain, other than a living nightmare. I was not able to walk freely until 4 months after my baby was born. It started again during my second pregnancy, the pain started at 10 weeks. I was on crutches and then it became so severe that I was immobile and needed an injection every day to avoid blood clots. Physio was no help at all.
The SPD pain robbed me of motherhood
I couldn’t care at all for my first child who by this time was a toddler. My husband and I were alone as no one understood my debilitating suffering, with no help and being so afraid and in pain all the time I became depressed. It resulted in me sending my little girl away to stay with family abroad. Living at the top of a third-floor stairs building was excruciating, I became a prisoner in my own home.
After the delivery of my second child, they had induced me at 38 weeks, I don’t know how, but the SPD got worse. I was a useless mother not only to my toddler, who was now living back with me but to my newborn baby too. I was still on crutches until December 2013, my second daughter had been born in August. We were told by the physicians to wait at least 2 years before conceiving again.
I began to get better and enjoy doing all those normal things we take for granted when we have full working bodies. Things like suddenly stopping and lifting my 3-year-old up, giving her cuddles in the street, going to the park, being able to walk and hold her hand or pushing my new baby in her pram.
I was able to dance again
We had even started having a sex life again but after one careless night, I’m pregnant again. I suspected when I started to have those groin pains and a wobbly feeling in my legs. Then mild sciatica pain for no reason, oh yes, not forgetting the sickness. We found out today I’m 8 weeks. I’m already losing my mobility, it’s degrading every day like it did with my second pregnancy.
My husband and I are still so horrified by what happened with my last pregnancy and the fear of me being stuck in a wheelchair for good and the other psychological reasons are making me doubt if I should carry on with this pregnancy.
I can’t go through SPD pain again and this time I may end up staying in a wheelchair forever and yes we are contemplating terminating the pregnancy. I spoke to the physio who examined my case and told me it was a realistic choice. But I still have doubts, I don’t want to terminate the pregnancy but I also don’t want to go back to being severely disabled and have to live the rest of my life in a wheelchair.
I am not enjoying my pregnancy nor my kids being let down by me as I can not do anything with them already and the arguments have started with my husband as I am in so much pain already. Are we right to terminate this pregnancy due to SPD next week ?
Are we right to terminate this pregnancy due to SPD next week? Thank you for any advice.
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