This is an anonymous blog post
Like so many people we have a group of friends that we have known together our entire relationship (19 years) and do a lot of ‘firsts’ together.
I mentioned to them last time we were together and out for drinks that I had never been one for smoking weed and never tried it ever in my life.
A few nights later while staying over at their house my friend said “I have a surprise for you” and took me outside in the garden where we both had our first ‘joint’. Like everyone else I enjoyed the odd drink and thought I would feel like I was drunk and I would be funny.
Smoking weed wasn’t dangerous was it?
How wrong I was, so very wrong and something neither of us thought about was my depression and the medication I was on.
When we go out for drinks it doesn’t affect me but this was something completely different, after five minutes I realised I couldn’t breathe properly and started to freak out.
I remember so much of what happened and I really wish I didn’t my hubby was sitting next to me enjoying the smoke with our friends and told me to calm down I had only had about four puffs but I really couldn’t breathe.
He held me tight and I started to shake violently and be sick I must have passed out or something because I came too lying on my husband’s knee.
He was crying begging me to breathe, telling me how much he loved me and when it was over we would be happy and how sorry he was that he didn’t make me happy.
I didn’t come too straight away I lay there with very shallow breathing listening to him.
I then saw what was happening and realised I wasn’t breathing.
I could see darkness and it was the most tempting thing I have ever come across, it looked beautiful and so peaceful. I remember thinking this is it, this is death and then I saw light and my children’s faces. I jumped so much.
I remember my hubby saying “oh thank god, please just breathe, and don’t leave me”.
But the darkness was so appealing I just wanted to go to it.
I heard someone talking to me, only it was just me and my hubby at this point and it wasn’t him, it was a woman asking me if I wanted to come with her. I just kept begging and begging her not to take me, she told me the only way to stay was to keep my body active and walk.
So I made my hubby walk me up and down the street next to a church, was it god talking to me?
I have never really believed in all that at all, but I saw the bottom of darkness and I had no idea after seeing what I had seen how she could let me live knowing what I know?
Does that make sense?
Smoking weed had almost killed me!
I asked my husband to call an ambulance as I couldn’t control my breathing at all and said I needed help doing it, we walked and walked, him crying begging me to stop asking who I was talking too.
I could try and explain what I saw but I really don’t think it would make sense at all, I just know now that I was somehow given a second chance at this life, a second chance to make my marriage work, a second chance to be a mum and a good one, to be who I was before I had ever smoked weed.
I fought so hard to stay alive and keep breathing and work my way through the awful experience.
I fought so hard because I felt so much love from my husband. I just wanted to keep going for him, no one else just him, minutes turned into hours and slowly I started to breathe without the feeling someone was sitting on my chest.
My husband tried to explain to me what had happened and what I had experienced wasn’t real, it was my medications and the weed messing with my head but I don’t believe him.
I know what I saw and I know what I felt and I never ever want to feel that low and desperate again, you live and learn from experiences and I can honestly say I will never ever try anything new again or ever mess with drugs of any kind.
I’m taking my new lease of life and going to show the world and my family I do believe in god and I am never taking anything for granted again.
It was hell what I went through so please if you read this and have depression never mess with drugs. I only had four puffs of weed and it nearly killed me. I don’t think I will ever be the same again after smoking weed.
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