I was raped when I was asleep by my ex-partner and I am so confused and feeling sad and lonely, I don’t have anyone to talk too. I know that by sharing my experience here on the blog, that someone will be able to tell me that I am not the only one feeling this way.
My ex and I have tried to be sociable for the sake of our kids and to date, it’s seemed to work. I actually thought things were OK between us. It was our daughter’s birthday a few months ago and he wanted to be there when she woke up. I agreed that he could stay over the night before her birthday, I offered him the sofa and he seemed to be grateful.
Things were OK that night and although it was a little awkward I knew my daughter was happy to have us both there on her special day. After she had gone to bed I busied myself doing things around the house and then I said goodnight to my ex after finding him a spare duvet and pillow. I hadn’t been in bed long when I heard someone opening my bedroom door, I lay still in bed.
My ex appeared in the doorway, I could see him from the corner of my eye. I thought maybe he was hungry but was afraid to just help himself, but I didn’t feel comfortable and just lay as still as I could with my eyes closed hoping he would just go away.
I felt him lay down beside me, I just froze. He put his hands under the covers and he touched me in my private area. He was rubbing his hand, down there. I wanted to scream, but I didn’t want to wake my daughter up. I felt him gently trying to remove my bottoms, he was hard and he tried to penetrate me, I was raped when I was asleep.
I was raped when I was asleep
He tried to be gentle so not to wake me. I pretended to be sleeping but couldn’t for long. I could take no more and told him to get his hands off me. He refused and carried on till he was finished. I had asked him to stop repeatedly.
Afterward, he left me shaking and crying in bed and he just got dressed and walked out of the room. I didn’t sleep at all that night, terrified he would come back. The following morning we both sat and watched our excited little girl open her birthday presents.
It was like nothing at all had happened.
I was raped while I was asleep yet here he was making me a cup of tea and chatting like the whole thing had been a dream. I went to the police and I made a statement, but I don’t feel strong enough to go through with it. I can’t stand to be near him, but he has done nothing to our daughter who loves him I hate him for what he has done to me.
I feel numb.
Can anyone advise me on how I can get over feeling this way?
This is an anonymous blog post. You can share your own real life story to help others. All blog posts submitted via the blog anonymously email form will be added to the blog anonymously for you, just like this blog post has been. Don’t read and run, show your support by leaving a comment.