I became obsessed with having a baby back in 2005 when I met my current partner. I already had a little girl to a previous marriage, she is my whole world. After 3 months of being with him, I fell pregnant, we were both very shocked and had mixed feelings.
I didn’t want a baby so early into the relationship, but he did, he explained how his previous girlfriend had an abortion without his consent and he was heartbroken over it, we decided to keep our baby and we were happy. I was 13 weeks pregnant when I was at work, my partner worked at the same place, when I went in the kitchen he shouted!
I looked down and there was a pool of blood!
I was rushed to the hospital and I had to give birth to a tiny little baby, the skin was almost translucent, it was a fully formed baby with arms and legs, I was devastated and so was my partner.
I become obsessed with having a baby
Then I became obsessed with having a baby, I bought ovulation tests and had a calendar; we had sex all the time, not for pleasure, but to get pregnant. It controlled my daily life and it’s all I could think of. I fell pregnant twice a year but never managed to hold on to it, I miscarried 4 times and had an ectopic pregnancy in November 2008. We both decided to stop trying as it was getting out of control.
In January 2009 I went to see a consultant about the reasons behind my losses, he asked me to take a test before he did any further tests, the test was positive. I wasn’t hopeful and I was on edge constantly.
When I was 13 weeks pregnant I started bleeding and was rushed to hospital again. I had to stay in overnight and I was a mess I knew that was it. The next morning I had a scan and it showed a healthy baby, I was delighted.
5 years on and I have a beautiful boy
I fell pregnant three weeks ago but, unfortunately, lost it, I can feel myself slipping back into that addiction of wanting another baby and I don’t want to become obsessed with having a baby again when every thought you have is about falling pregnant.
I have two beautiful children and I need to focus on them but I will not stop trying for another baby, I just won’t be so controlled over it this time and just take it day by day and see what happens.
I hope my real life story helps others.
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