This is an anonymous blog post
My brother abused me as a young boy and I am finding it difficult to forgive or forget. I hope someone can help me.
It began when I was 8. My brother would get into my bed at night and put his hands on my private areas and put my hand on his penis when I was sleep.
I would wake up to him doing this and was scared, not knowing what to do.
My brother was always so mean to me. Calling me a dog, embarrassing me and could be violent with me.
This was all so ugly, I wanted to forget all of it but my brother didn’t stop.
My brother abused me and also tried to involve others
On and off over the next 7 years my brother would try to take my pants off, put his hands on my private parts, and get one of his friends involved or show me his penis.
All the while I was called the dog and he would be very mean to me.
I finally told my mom that my brother was “mean to me”. I was too afraid to say more.
My brother told me my dad knew about it and told my brother he used to do this to his sister, my Aunt.
For years I have tried to forget about it but I haven’t been able to.
I have felt ugly and of no worth.
Even today my brother is mean to me and treats me like useless trash.
I have not been able to have a healthy long-term relationship because my brother abused me and I see sex as dirty.
It always goes bad, I can connect, trust or respect the men and sexually it is very difficult for me.
I have decided to denounce my brother, to completely stay away from him, his family and break away completely.
I have tried over the years to at least be pleasant at family activities, to look beyond that experience with him and move forward thinking I was able to release and forgive.
But I have had no closure
I want to confront him, ask why my brother abused me, but am very nervous about the repercussions.
Can I handle that…can I have the strength to write him a letter explaining how this behaviour of his has affected my life.
And would it be worth it?
Would I receive closure from confronting him?
I don’t know.
I think it was make me even more fragile.
I would like to ask readers what they suggest I do to find closure.
I want to find peace and to move forward in my life.
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