You know that awful question we have all been asked at least once before, when did you lose your virginity? I hear the women talking, laughing, saying how much they regret it. I wish I could be honest, I wish I could say my dad took my virginity as it’s something that eats me up on the inside every day, but how can you possibly tell people that. My friends have no idea.
You see my dad took my virginity
He thought it didn’t matter if I had started my periods, I was a woman now, at 13 years old. He stood in the bathroom doorway laughing at the blood in my knickers, my innocence stripped from me. I’ve never told anyone that.
One night he forced me to drink, vodka and coke, the smell just makes me wretch to this day. I don’t remember much, he carried me to the toilet, then upstairs, I threw up and everything goes blank. I was just 13; I knew I couldn’t fight because I would never win.
Finally, at the age of 14, it was all too much. My mom begged me to tell her what was wrong, where was her daughter? She didn’t know me anymore.
She was so right, I shut off all my emotions just to cope with my new life, being raped every weekend, over and over. I told her he touched me. While it is true, it’s not the whole truth is it? She cried and cried, I hurt her and I thought it was my entire fault. I was sent to my room, he was due to pick me up for the weekend. She asked him, he admitted everything.
After that my life was a blur, the secret was kept, and I no longer had to be near him, but after telling my closest friend, I thought I could trust. She bullied me, told everyone, and she told them I was sick of having sex with him.
I felt sick
She must have been right. It didn’t take long to travel around the school, to the teachers, my “friends”, everyone knew. I was taken from my English class and placed in a room with Police and Social services. I don’t know how I did it, really I don’t. I managed to convince them I fell out with my friend and she spread nasty rumours as a result, I told them it was lies, they believed me.
But there was a price to pay. Now I was a liar I lied that I was raped, how could I say my dad took my virginity? At least that’s what she told everyone. The bullying was horrific, and I’m now left with serious anxiety issues and frequent panic attacks. I starved myself. Every day I would lie to my family.
I had lots of lunch I would say. I even threw up my stomach lining. I left school at 16, with nothing. Nothing but failed grades, what was the point really?
I’m now 23, my secret is still secret. I’m still that “liar” from school. And I know nobody will ever really believe me now. My Anxiety is bad and I struggle to go out. I have no confidence, and I am plagued by sick memories. I have to say a huge thank you, to all the women who have shared their own stories on the blog. I’m a little less lonely now.
This is my story, my dad took my virginity at the tender age of 13 and my dad raped me for 3 years in total, my dad didn’t just take my virginity, he stole my innocence.
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