My dad abused me and I wish I had never met him. I introduced him to my mother when I was 9 years old and they became friends, my mom was lonely so I wanted her to have someone to talk too. I had no idea of the nightmare that was to follow.
Four years later they told me they were getting married. I wasn’t very happy but I wanted to be a bridesmaid so went along with it, I liked wearing a dress and feeling beautiful just for the one day. After they got married, everything had changed, he hated me and boy and did he show it.
He would torment me daily and then I started being emotionally abused, but then my dad abused me every day. He would come in my room in the morning, used to shout at me or spit at me if I wasn’t getting dressed for school quick enough.
I was a teenager, this was my room and he was invading my space, one day I had enough and I shouted back.
My dad abused me daily by this point
I ran to school just in my trousers and shirt, I was so upset I spoke to my teacher about it but nothing more was said as I didn’t want to bring mom any hassle.
He would call me fat and ugly; made me feel worse about myself, told me I was like my real father (we have no contact due to violence on his part), that hurt me the most, I was nothing like him.
One day they took me out for a meal, usually, when they do this, they have something to tell me, so I was dreading it. I was right, mom was pregnant, I was so upset, hurt and angry, didn’t talk to them for ages.
A few months into her pregnancy, there were complications with the baby (we found out at this point that the baby was a girl.) I was softening to the idea of having a sister, and when she was born not breathing I felt love for her.
The midwife took a picture, she was tiny and bruised, I still have the image now in my mind – I never wanted to see the picture again. A few days later I came home from school, let myself in as usual but no one was home, I walked into the hallway and there was a pool of blood on the carpet.
I didn’t know what to think
I walked back out, shut the door and sat on the doorstep. Half an hour later my auntie picked me up, took me to her house and told me what had happened. Mum hadn’t delivered all the afterbirth causing an infection so she lost a lot of blood, but they had controlled it now and she was ok.
Four months later my mom told me she was pregnant again; I couldn’t cope with the news so moved out and stayed with my nan for a while.
I still could not tell anyone that my dad abused me, I just didn’t want to cause any trouble, and my mom had been through enough. She was having another little girl and she was born on the 16th May.
Now I knew everything was OK, I moved back in with my mom and step-dad as I now referred to him as, but things got much worse with him. He wouldn’t let me hold her, feed her or even touch her.
When he went back to work and I was glad
I held my sister for the first time, she was 3 weeks old.
When he got home, he would take her into their bedroom and shut the door, I was not allowed to see her until the next day when he was at work. He came home early one day to find me changing her nappy and he did not like it, it all kicked off. He had a go at mom for letting “the fat bitch” touch his daughter, as he would call me.
He had a go at mom for letting “the fat bitch” touch his daughter, as he would call me.
She at that point had enough, told him to leave for a while, she knew my dad abused me and thankfully she too had seen and heard enough.
He didn’t like that so started playing mind games with her, it lasted years and in the end, she got depressed and she would lock herself in the bathroom, crying for hours.
I had to get my sister ready for school, feed her and pick her up again. It was heartbreaking to hear my mom be so down, it was destroying me but I carried on. He would even phone my nan and give her loads of abuse, they ended up selling up and moving away an hour away to get away from him.
My mom would meet him in a shopping center but he just caused trouble if things didn’t go his way. He once left my sister in a petrol station car park on her own because she told him she hated him. She was 5 years old. He phoned mom to tell her that she was there on her own and he was on his way home. She hit the roof.
He is a horrible man and acted this way because he did not get his own way.
Last year was the last straw
(May 2012) it was my sister’s birthday party, he hated I was there, but never said anything. I was pregnant with my son, around 36 weeks pregnant, he ignored my sister completely, it upset her which annoyed me more. I was getting stressed and then he tried to push my daughter over, I went up to give him a piece of my mind till my sister’s friend stood up to him, he was 12, a 12-year-old standing up to a 40-year-old odd man.
He was so embarrassed; he said to my mom that he gives up, that we have won in keeping him away from his daughter. We have not heard or seen him since.
My sister has been so much happier since he’s gone, it’s nearly been a year now. Abused Children Have Their Childhood Ruined Like I Did. I shared my story because I want all the women to know you don’t have to be treated this way.
My mom and my sister got through this and so can you.
My dad abused me, well my stepdad as I refer to him now for years but it’s made me a much stronger person and I hope you will see there is light at the end of the tunnel and I only wish I had spoken out sooner.
If you are a child or young person who is being abused it is important that you talk to someone you trust and get support and help for what is happening. If you don’t the abuse will continue, perhaps for many years.
If you have experienced child abuse please seek help
NSPCC – Every Child Matters
NAPAC – Supporting Recovery From Child Abuse
Rape Crisis – help if you’ve experienced rape, child sexual abuse and/or any kind of sexual violence
The Survivors Trust – At TST, we believe that all survivors are entitled to receive the best possible response to their needs whether or not they choose to report.
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