This is an anonymous blog post
I am now a grown women, I have children, and although I love motherhood it has made me question my own childhood. My mum sexually abused me, yes, my own mother.
My mum knew I was being abused by her boyfriends too and did nothing to protect me.
Let me start by saying I DO NOT want sympathy.
I just want you to know that despite our pasts, life is what you make it.
I hope by sharing my story, anyone struggling to live life after sexual abuse sees that we can learn to lead to a very normal and happy life.
My whole life has been a complete mess, from the age of 3 or 4.
I only have memories of a drunk mother, a father that was never there and me raising my younger siblings, changing feeding and caring for them.
Life was very unsettled I moved around a lot.
Many men were in and out of my life throughout my childhood.
It was only when I was 7 that I discovered who my real father was when I was taken to the local bus station and was asked to go tree climbing with this stranger.
Mum sexually abused me and her partners do it too
I was always an inconvenience to her.
I was always last on her list, and also her career.
I wasn’t allowed a life of my own, by school-leaving age I still had no friends or no loving family, no stability.
I was sad and lonely and had nothing in life to be positive about.
I had been passed from pillar to post, attended 29 different schools.
I was emotionally physically and I have to dare to be brave enough to admit it, that I was sexually abused by my mother and her partners.
I will never ever be able to understand why she did this to me.
Her own flesh and blood.
My own mum sexually abused me. I have questioned it over and over, time and time again but I have no answers and the truth is I never will.
But over the years of me not wanting kids but being raped by my boyfriend at the time, I had my son. That relationship was hell on earth.
I made my baby just one promise, to love him forever.
Despite my past I refuse to let it affect my future, I am determined to be the best mum I can be to all four children in my home, two of whom aren’t mine).
Yes admittedly because of my mental health I struggle, but I am doing my hardest to insure they know they are loved and wanted and that their lives are worlds away from my own painful one.
My mum sexually abused me, her own little girl and when I look into the eyes of my own children, how can I not be hurt and confused.
Why would a mother ever do that to her own baby?
This is an anonymous blog post. You can share your own experience to help others. All blog posts submitted via the blog anonymously email form will be added to the blog anonymously for you, just like this blog post has been.
Please don’t read and run, show your support by leaving a comment for this very brave mother.