I did not even understand that what had happened to me was marital rape until months after I had left him.
I just thought that it was something I had to do for him.
He would call me frigid, said he would prefer to get into bed with a sack of spuds then have to sleep with me, yet still he forced me to perform certain acts.
He was my husband and he had needs.
I know that men have needs; he told me this time and time again.
When I was heavily pregnant I went off sex, like many women I presume but he still wanted it.
When I was tired or ill he would still pester me
Your useless and you’re a shit wife were common insults, all because he wanted his leg over when I never.
It’s not as if I never put out, it’s just when you are feeling as low and depressed as I was and I was also being emotionally and physically abused by him, there were some days when the thought of his hands on my body made me feel sick to my stomach.
I didn’t know marital rape was yet another form of abuse and control he had over me.
I mostly did as I was told to begin with, far too afraid to reject him.
Each time he did it he broke me that little bit more.
But when I did ask him to leave me alone or I tried explained I just didn’t want too, well he did it anyway.
I learned that no amount of struggling would help, it would only result in me getting hurt and screaming was not an option as I was terrified I would wake the children.
Towards the end of the relationship, I stopped saying no.
I would just lie stiff as he removed my clothing, lay there motionless with the tears falling from my eyes, he would even wipe away the tears with his finger and tell me it wouldn’t be much longer.
He preferred sex this way. He seemed to get aroused by the sheer thought of forcing me.
I stayed still, feeling numb.
Afterwards, he would either turn over or sleep or if he was feeling that way he would spit on me and laugh.
Other times he would pull out of me just in time to spray my face with his “love juice” as he liked to call it.
Marital rape does happen and it happened to me
It was during a conversation with a lady from the local Refuge centre when it dawned on me that my husband had in fact raped me.
All those times I said no, had begged him to stop or had laid there sobbing while he spat on me, he knew I did not want too, yet he did it anyway.
But how do you prove marital rape?
I had already moved home and area moved the children to new schools. I had a court injunction out against him to protect myself and the children.
I was not brave enough to re-open the case and ask for him to be charged with marital rape. I just wanted to move on and never look back.
Not all sex between man and wife or partners is consented and this is when everyone needs to be aware of marital rape.
Unlike me, I urge anyone who is facing this to speak out.
Did you know that marital rape can be equal, if not more, emotionally and physically damaging than rape by a stranger.