The past is like using your rear-view mirror in the car, it’s good to glance back and know what’s there, but stare too long and you’ll miss what’s in front of you.
Living in the past had begun to destroy me.
I saw this happening and knew I had to change my way of thinking.
I cannot do this because….
I can’t go there because…
I am invited, but they don’t really want me there because …
There is no way I would be able to …
I don’t have friends because…
There is no point having dreams because …
I have used these excuses for most of my life!
Living in the past was destroying my future
There was usually someone there preventing me from doing things, but now the only person holding me back is me.
And yes I hold fast to these excuses still because then I cannot get hurt by others and I cannot fail if I do not try.
But that’s living in the past and I am not there anymore.
I am no longer that scared and vulnerable young girl.
The past holds too many painful memories and feelings and they suck all the energy from me.
They are slowly destroying me.
Was it my fault I was trapped in an abusive marriage?
Is it my fault I have mental health issues?
Is it my fault that mental illness stole my identity, my career, my friends and my self-esteem?
None of it was my fault!
I wasn’t to blame so why do I carry such a heavy burden of guilt?
It’s time to let it go, it’s time to set free that guilt and understand that my illness was to blame, the man who abused me was to blame, and the friends who turned on me or used me were to blame.
Though no-one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end.
I am in recovery, I am a survivor.
I am able to do a whole lot more than I thought I could.
It’s like the cage door has been left slightly ajar, I am still afraid to push it fully open, but I am venturing out more and sneaking back into my comfort zone less.
I am not living in the past as much as I used to these days as I have far too much determination to let it beat me.
Although it’s never easy to push yourself when anxiety fights back and the voices are ever present, I am so much stronger than I once was.
I like dreams of the future better than the history of the past.
Are you living in the past?