“Love yourself or no one else will.” – Unknown
If there is one tag line I use the most it has to be “You need to learn how to love yourself first”.
I meet so many women who are experiencing relationship problems, many looking for advice others just needing to get their feelings off their chest.
I could write my own daily agony aunt column on all the aspects of relationships, despite parenting being the main focus on the group I run, relationship issues are a common feature and not in the good sense.
The common complaints from women are;
- He treats me like trash
- He never listens to me or respects me
- He does nothing to help around the house or with the kids
- He shouts and scares me
- He controls me
Why do women put up with this type of behaviour and why have they not kicked these dirt bags to the curb?
The common answers from these women are;
- But I love him
- I can’t cope without him
- I need him
- I am scared to be a single mum
- Nobody else would want me
“But in what way do you learn how to love yourself?” a women will ask me.
Learning how to love yourself is exceptionally important for your well-being and happiness. If you are not happy with yourself then you cannot live the life you desire or deserve. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have.
Do you ever find yourself thinking?
- I’m not good enough
- I am not beautiful enough
- I am not smart enough
- I cannot do that
We are our own worst enemy when it comes to challenging negative thoughts. How many times a day do you find yourself self-doubting something you do? Are you quick to remind yourself how great you really are? Would you treat someone else the way you do yourself?
Women who do not value themselves allow others to abuse their vulnerable nature. I speak with numerous mothers who are suffering from exhaustion because their partners are doing nothing to help them.
How to make someone listen to you
- Be assertive
- Be clear and consistent
- Use an authorative voice when you voice your opinion
You do deserve to be listened too and respected. If you allow your partner to continue treating you in a negative way, your relationship will become strained. It is common to feel resentment towards the partner who does nothing to help you. Why should you have to do everything?
A healthy relationship comprises of several qualities but two of the most important are that of mutual respect and compromise.
Start the Day by Saying the Following into a Mirror
- I deserve to be treated with love and respect
- I have the right to say no
- I don’t have to do everything he tells me to
- I can make my own decisions
- What I have to say is important and my opinion does matter
Lean How to Love Yourself
We all make mistakes; it’s what makes us human, use your past mistakes as learning curves and move forward. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you have made and allow the guilt to fade.
Get to know yourself. What do you enjoy doing? What makes you happy and excites you? What dreams do you have for the future? Start taking down notes of what changes you want to make to your relationship and to your life.
When you look at the bigger picture it can seem almost impossible to reach, this is why you should break it down into little steps. Each step represents a hurdle that stands in the way of reaching the goal.
Let’s say the goal is getting your partner housetrained and helping with the baby during the night.
Step 1 – Writing down a list of changes you want to see and your expectations
Step 2 – Sitting down with your partner and showing him your list
Step 3 – Discussing the issue and compromising
Step 4 – Agreeing to the changes
Step 5 – Being fair yet firm in ensuring he keeping to his word
It saddens me when women say “But he won’t listen to me”. You need to make him listen. Switch off the TV or the Xbox console and raise your voice slightly. If he really does not listen to a word you say and are so disrespectful then it’s time to revaluate your entire relationship.
It sure is time you taught yourself how to love yourself because once you do; you will clearly see this man does not deserve you.
“He shouts and scares me if I try to talk to him about the way he behaves” is another common complaint. I find it difficult to explain that this relationship is an abusive one. Nobody should live in fear of making someone angry or fear the consequences of voicing an opinion.
A mother living on egg shells and running around after someone who claims to love them infuriates me. This type of relationship destroys self-esteem and is emotionally damaging.
The way you see people is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is what they become. (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe )
A self-assured woman who loves and values herself does not allow others to treat her badly. This is not about saying you are perfect or unique, this is you taking a stand and saying; I am worthy of love, respect and I deserve to be treat better.
You should not be seeking the approval of others, the only approval you need is your own.
Learning to love yourself will be the greatest lesson you can ever learn