This is an anonymous blog post
I never talk about anything that keeps me awake at night. I feel like people will judge as the things that keep me awake occurred over 17 years ago, however to this day it has never left me.
It all started at the age of 6 (I am now 24), my little brothers dad had left my mum (I have a different dad, however my little brothers dad adopted me), and my mum started drinking again.
I always admired her because although she drank at night, she always made sure we were clean, fed and in bed and she still worked full-time.
However my mum relied on a family friend to watch us while she worked. He was great with us, used to take us out, cook us dinner and we couldn’t complain, me and my brother thought he was brilliant.
A few months passed and my mum and the family friend started dating, and then he started treating me different to my brother, I noticed he would let me sit on his knee; buy me more sweets than my brother.
I just thought I was his favourite
He started giving me more hugs and when my mum wasn’t around when I gave him a kiss, he would make me kiss him on the lips and it started from there.
No one knew.
I didn’t know and then it got worse.
He used to make me sleep in my mum’s room when my mum was night-shift. I was too scared to tell my mum as he told me she would hate me.
Then one night I had a friend stay over while my mum was working and he didn’t stop with me that night.
That night he sexually assaulted my friend and me.
The following morning my friend went home and he went to the pub and within an hour her mother was at our front door, I thought I was in trouble.
Next thing I knew my mother was shouting on me. She asked me over and over what happened last night and it all flooded out.
I told her everything.
I sat in a daze not knowing what I had done wrong until my mother sat me down (crying) explaining to me I had done nothing wrong and that he was to blame it wasn’t my fault and I was still her little girl.
I still didn’t understand what was going on until the 2 police women turned up and I thought they were going to take me away.
They sat down and asked me and my mum what had been happening the explained (with a social worker) that what he had done was wrong and that I had to be brave and tell them everything that had happened.
Although they told me he was the one in wrong I still didn’t understand I thought I had been bad, I thought he loved me?
I thought if what he did was bad what had I done for him to be bad to me?
These are the things a 7-year-old should never be asking. I had been through something a kid should never go through.
It went to court and he got 2 years in jail but only actually served 1 year and within a year he was out.
I wish I could say it ended there but it didn’t by the time he was released we had moved 5 times however he still found us, he got on the bus one day as me and my mum were heading to see a new school.
I remember people getting off the bus and there was only the 3 of us and the driver on the bus, nor me or my mother recognise him.
I remember holding my mums hand waiting for the bus to stop at our stop and as the bus was slowing down I remember looking at my mum and she has a knife at her throat.
I thought he was going to kill her
All he said was “hello princess” and told my mum she was wicked and a thief for taking me away from him, he said I would always be his.
Next thing I remember is waking up in hospital and seeing my mum standing watching me. I remember having a very sore stomach. My mum never actually explained what happened that day and I have never asked.
Sexual assault is very had to overcome.
Now I have 2 kids and a wonderful man, however I still feel that the life I have now is still affected by the past and I sit here and wonder will it ever go?
But I know now I’m not alone.
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