Introducing your kids to a new boyfriend can be difficult. My three eldest children were 4, 5 and 9 when I introduced them to Matt.
We had met online and had talked for 6 months before we arranged to meet up.
I had sat the children down and explained that I had met someone. I think it worked well because he lived three hours away, so we were able to take things slowly.
He came to visit the children and we arranged this with the kids well in advance, so they were prepared. I had already talked to the kids and they were able to ask me any questions or voice any worries they had.
They accepted Matt and were very happy when he moved in. We have always made it clear that Matt is not their dad and they see their dad every weekend but Matt and I now have three children together and it just works. Respect has had to have been earned and we have had a few bumps along the way.
“Your not my dad” has been hurled at Matt on more than one occasion.
I do however disagree with women and men also introducing new partners too quickly into dating or bringing a number of new partners into their kids lives, in a short space of time. This must be very confusing.
There is a wrong or right way to introduce your kids to a new boyfriend
I asked a few of my mummy friends what they thought;
Sarah; Don’t do it right away. Be sure it’s gonna be a very long-term thing before they meet your kids
Angie; We saw Soph and Kurt for 2 hours twice a week for a month, to get them used to Chris
Amanda; Only introduce if you’ve been with him for a while and if it’s serious
@LisaLisa208; don’t do it straight away, best to play it safe and wait in case he turns out to be a total tosser.
Francesca; Introduce them as a friend first. Keep the kissing and cuddling and holding hands etc to yourselves for a while and just be friends in front of the kids till they are comfy around them. Make sure they know that you still love them and just cause not with daddy that doesn’t change that. Don’t expect them to be their best friend straight away.
Victoria; The best way is to be introduced as mummy’s friend and don’t do the affection in front of them till much later on when your sure its lasting.
Leah; My son was nearly 2 when my new partner who was my best friend got together, so he had met Finley (son) a lot we wouldn’t hold hands/ kiss in front of Finley and Finley adored my partner from when we were just friends x I now have another baby who Finley loves
Laura; Bring them in two or 3 days a week as a friend so your kids get used to a new man being around and if they have kids do the same thing when they come round, bring the kids as well so that either parents, kids get used to the other kids and person in the relationship
Laura; Slowly but surely, like an hour a week at the park or coming round for a coffee etc keep the kissing hand holding etc private for a while
Lea; I introduced my ex as a friend, then he did a few activities with us as my friend, then I asked her what she thought of him and when she said she liked him, I explained that mummy loved him and would she be happy if he was around more. We kept the affection private, but behaved loving to each other and slowly brought the rest in.
Kate; Take things slow, introduce them as if they are a friend and don’t do all the canoodling business in front of them. Don’t expect either the children or the new partner to suddenly take to it, its difficult for them both. Don’t suddenly have the new partner around the kids every day and make sure you still pay lots of attention to the kids as some can get very confused.
Let the child and new partner make friends as such and let them build their own relationship, don’t force it on either of them and definitely don’t EVER say this is your new dad or something like that.
Always listen to your child if they have any concerns and maybe talk to them about the new partner and remind them that they will always be number 1 and if they ever want to talk to you, you will be there to listen.
Make sure you still have alone time with your children as well as alone time with your new partner, after all your always learning with a new partner so you also need time away from the kids.
Also maybe do fun activities to introduce that way so they can associate the new guy with having a good time or experience.
Introducing Your Kids To A New Boyfriend – What Advice Can You Add?