If you had asked me at the start of our relationship if I would let her have sex with another man I would have laughed in your face and told you no way, yet this is how I ended up sharing my wife with another man.
We met 12 years ago, working for the same company, we were both young and career driven, we shared so many interests that it wasn’t long before we became a couple, later moving into our first home and having our first child.
The years passed and 2 more children came along, yes times could be hard but I think we made a great team. I know my wife sacrificed so much for our family but she always told me she was happy.
We had a beautiful family, a home and we both had jobs ( although my wife only worked part time), things were far from perfect but to the outside world, I guess we looked like a very happy family, and we were.
Then things started to change, I lost my job, was made redundant from the job I loved and had worked hard at for years. I struggled to accept that I had become unemployed. I started drinking to dull the useless feelings I had inside. Money became an issue and my wife and I began to argue constantly.
I had gone from the main breadwinner to 48 years old had been.
Shamefully I began drinking and became more and more depressed. I hid my head in the sand as my marriage fell apart around me. My wife had no choice but to pick up the pieces and I have to say I have no idea how we would have survived if it had not been for her.
Why I let her have sex with another man
I was sulking and drinking while my wife took on more and more hours at work, she scrimped and saved to enable us to stay in the nice house we had and pay the bills, while still cooking healthy, home made meals each evening. I didn’t even notice the number of hours she was working.
Too busy wrapping myself up self-pity to even notice how much of effort she was making to go to work and how many nights at work she stayed back, to work overtime.
I had let her have sex with another man because I couldn’t be the man she needed, I neglected her needs.
I don’t know when the affair started, my guess is it started like we had, two like minded and career driven people working in close proximity of each other. A few flirty exchanges and long glances across the office room, she’s a beautiful woman, I’m ashamed to say I never thought of her that way anymore.
This affair lasted 9 months before the guilt ate her up and she broke down and told me, I had let her have sex with another man, it was my own fault. Had I have been the man she married, she and I would have worked out our change of circumstances, instead, I left it all to her, it was too much.
She needed support and the gentle touch from a man and the man she needed who she could turn to for comfort wasn’t me. She said it was just sex, nothing more, she didn’t love him, she loved me. Although I had become a complete stranger to her she still loved and believed in me.
I was angry, I directed all the hate and anger at her, although I knew I was angry at myself.
We talked about divorce, about a trial separation but it broke my heart. It was the kick up the arse I needed. I won’t say it was easy but I went to the GP and spoke out about my depression and drinking. I was soon at the Job Centre asking them to help me find a job.
Three years later I kiss my wife goodbye every morning as I leave for work. I no longer drink and the depression is a thing of the past, I feel like a new man.
Each time she leaves the house or says she’s working late my heart sinks, I feel a sickening ache in the pit of my stomach, is she with him?
She says she stopped the affair the day after she revealed it to me, but am I 100% sure? I don’t know, a part of me will always think she’s having sex with another man but would I leave her if I found out she was? No, I wouldn’t. I love my wife and that man helped saved our marriage.
He took care of my wife when I couldn’t, had he not have been there for her maybe she would have left me, she stayed with me out of guilt, I know that, but at least she stayed. How can I regret the fact that I let her have sex with another man? I just hope she still isnt.
This is an anonymous blog post. You can share your own experience to help others. All blog posts submitted via the blog anonymously email form will be added to the blog anonymously for you, just like this blog post has been.
Please don’t read and run, show your support by leaving a comment for this very brave mother.