This is an anonymous blog post
I started cutting myself last year. It was something I had heard about when I was in a mental hospital when I was 12 for trying to kill myself.
I am not crazy or anything, just have had a lot of crap happen to me and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
Cutting myself actually seemed to help.
When I was there some girls told me about it. When they did, I was shocked!
I wasn’t really sure how to respond, I had never come across self-harm before.
When last year came around, I snapped. I couldn’t take it.
I had been told that summer that I could never be around my uncle, who almost raped me. He had been abusing me since I was nine.
Well, on top of that, my mom who I hadn’t heard from in 6 years pops up and wants to come and visit me.
Suddenly, I didn’t care.
I got a pencil and began cutting myself
Eventually, I got a razor and started using that, but not until this year.
It was hard, not being able to call out for help.
I had a therapist and people who I could trust, but I felt so ashamed, that I didn’t say anything.
After about two weeks I told my cousin who I love and she told my dad for me. It was hell.
After that, I was able to beat it for 5 months.
When this year started, I was being teased and was stressed. I got a razor and started cutting more.
I told my school counselor and she went to my dad.
Again it has been hellish.
I have made it 6 months, but I just can’t seem to beat it.
I want to right now, even as I write this. Should I?
Not sure, I just want it to stop.
I need help. Someone please help.
I am a nobody and I feel lost.
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