This is an anonymous blog post
I had my son in 2007 and I knew from the minute he was born I would do anything to make him happy; he was the highlight of my life.
We did everything together and till this day still do.
He always has been a mummy’s boy
When he was 12 months old my partner and I decided we would like to start trying for another baby.
It never even occurred to me to question whether it was possible to love a second child then, but to our disappointment I never fell pregnant.
All my friends and family members were pregnant except me. My sister found out she was pregnant and told everyone except me, she knew it was what I wanted and she didn’t know how to tell me.
Even though I was very happy for her I still resented her as it’s what I wanted.
In July 2010 I wasn’t feeling to good and put it down to a sickness bug didn’t realise I was late on my period till my partner asked when I was due on.
Turns out I was late but didn’t want get my hopes up, so off he went to Boots and came back with 3 different tests.
They were all positive, I was so excited.
It was everything I had wished for but I was scared inside as I didn’t know if I could love another child as much as I loved my son, was it possible to love a second child?
I started to ignore the pregnancy
As much as I wanted another baby all I could do was pretend to be happy around everyone so it didn’t show. I would cry myself to sleep but holding my bump because as much as I loved the ‘flump’ I still didn’t know how I would cope with two.
I found out I was having another boy and for now still didn’t have a name for him he was still known as ‘flump’.
My elective C -section was booked for the 21st march 2011 and I was really scared. I had an emergency section with my 1st.
The day before I went in to hospital we had a party for my sons 4th birthday and that night he went to stay at my sisters and all I could do was cry.
I didn’t want him to resent me as a mummy or feel like I was pushing him away.
How was I going to have enough love to love a second child?
The morning of the section arrived and I traveled to the hospital and sat and waited till it was my time to go to theatre 11:25am and my son was born and my love just grew.
But my other son was away from me as I was in hospital for a few days but I now knew that yes it was possible to love a second child.
I came home from hospital on Wednesday and I had my 2 boys at home and it was from that second that I had both my boys together that I knew I could love them both the same.
I felt guilty that I didn’t love my bump as much as I could have done but I can now build on that.
I love both my boys with all my heart
Unconditional love is something that all we mums feel for our babies.
I was terrified that I would not be able to love a second child yet I now know that no matter how many children you have, you love them all the same.