How can a mother choose a violent partner over her own kids? It just doesn’t make sense to me. I found my online job yesterday so very difficult, I am meant to be the one person a mother in desperate need of support can turn to, knowing she will never be judged. I don’t pretend to have or all know all the answers, but I go to hell and back helping others. Yet yesterday I couldn’t help one.
You see she asked whether she should stay with her violent partner and keep her young children in care, or leave him so her children can home. I can’t go into details as that would not be right, this is not a personal attack on her, but it stirred a horrid feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I never thought I would turn a mother away, but I did. I could not support her when she informed me, she couldn’t leave him, she needed and loved him and even thou this meant her children would remain in the care system, she didn’t care. She chose him over her kids.
This post is not about this mother, in particular, it’s me asking how can a mother choose her violent partner over her children? How can a mother just turn her back on her own children?
How could anyone choose a violent partner over their children?
Now don’t get me wrong I am far from naive, we as society expect it to be fathers who run off, leaving any responsibility of parenting behind, leaving their children in the hands of the mothers, while they run off and live a single carefree life, should we cast more judgement on mothers who do it, when fathers are doing it daily?
There seems something sinister about a mother leaving her children. As a single mother of 6 I know all to well how difficult parenting can be and there have been many times I have wished I could just pack up and run away. But I couldn’t, never,
I would never be able to live without my children.
I lived with a violent partner for almost 11 years, when he physically hurt our son ho was 3 years old at the time it has me who phoned Social Services, this was the first and the last time he ever hurt my children. I knew I would hurt him, the fact he had hurt our children was the final straw to me.
It didn’t matter how afraid I was of him, or how terrified I was at the thought of leaving him, I knew if I didn’t then I would kill him. Something inside of me snapped when I heard our son’s screams, the fear in his eyes as his father hurt him. So I understand women who are trapped in an abusive relationship, I understand all too well.
But what I will never understand is why some mothers when given the ultimatum from Social Services that they need to leave their abusive partner or lose their children, they pick him.
How can a mother pick him over her kids?
She wanted my support, she wanted me to say its OK I understand and I can be your friend and help you get through the emotions, how can I? It goes against everything I feel.
I know many mothers who for mental health reasons have asked Social Services to take their children and care for them until they get better, I stand by and support these mothers who fight every day to get better so they have their children return home.
I support mothers with addictions fight against their demons to prove to the courts that they are fit and enable and are loving mothers. I stand by these mothers are they are trying with every breath left in their body to change and be better parents, as let’s face it none of us are perfect parents. But how can you choose a violent partner over your babies?
I am angry, she’s in the perfect situation now to get the help she desperately needs to leave her abusive partner, yet she doesn’t want too. They have offered her support, will keep her safe and help her yet she’s still making excuses for him. The emotional and physical violence might not have been his fault. I know every excuse under the sun, I used them all myself, but how can you stand by and allow the father of the child to hurt them. Not only stand by them but support them and then choose them over the kids.
I never thought I would ever say this about another mother , but I hope he is prosecuted and is sent to prison for the fear he has instilled into this poor innocent child and that her poor children remain in care, in the hope of them now being raised in a loving, safe and stable family home.
She’s proved how much she loves her kids by choosing her violent partner over them and they shouldn’t be allowed be returned home if he’s sent to prison as I know she will only take him back once he’s out. They are better off without her.
How can any mother choose a violent partner over her own children? Could you do this?
( To those who know the mother in question please refrain from giving any details away in the comments – this is a question/debate blog post and not intended to be a personal attack)