They say your wedding day is one of the happiest days of your life. Mine was a happy day; I was marrying the man I loved.
Despite all the horrific things he had done to me I still truly believed that I could help him to change.
The truth was I was looking for a perfect family, not that one ever really existed, but it was what I had always wanted.The one thing I had always said I would have for my own children.
Sadly this dream that I so badly searched for caused me nothing but heartache while trying to chase it. But I was sucked in when he begged me to help him to change.
In between the violence and the abuse was a man who I put my whole trust into, it is so very hard to decide whether at this time I stayed with him through love or fear.
But I strongly believe I loved him the day I married him although the voice inside my head was telling me I was making a mistake.
I could help him to change
Three weeks before our special day he had his stag night. They had travelled out of a town to a well know beach resort that was famous for its night life.
“I screwed a stripper” he proudly told me “She was a thousand times better looking than you”
He was forever telling me how ugly and fat I was. I weighed a mere six stone and no matter how many weeks I went without food I could never seem to lose any more weight.
I believed everything he told me and I hung onto every word he said.
Was I upset that he had slept with a stripper?
Why of course I was it ripped my heart out to know the man I devoted my life to slept with other women but to be honest it was just another part to our dysfunctional relationship.
I took my wedding vows and for better or worse I promised in the Lords House that I would stand by him.
A few months after our wedding day I found out I was pregnant with my second child.
The pregnancy was easy and the months flew by. We were privately renting at this time and had a beautiful home, we both worked and life was pretty much normal as normal goes.
It seemed that things were changing and he even went on an anger management course.
Of course it didn’t last long but I never stopped I could help him to change for many more years to come.
You can follow my life story here on the blog.