I met this guy, he seemed lovely at first, then one night at a party after we had been drinking got into an argument over something silly on the way home and he slapped me and kicked me.
When we got home he said he was sorry.
I loved him and believed him.
I forgave him.
Things were great for a while, I thought he had changed, then it happened again.
Afterwards, he said he was sorry
He would promise me that he loved me, he didn’t mean to do it, he just got angry and he would never do it again.
I felt sorry for him.
But as always with domestic violence, over the years the violence became worse.
It had started with the odd slap and kick, it turned to being battered.
I was black and blue.
It was always my own fault
I shouldn’t have answered him back or harass him on the phone asking when he would be home.
I became so afraid of him
I was too scared to leave him
He told me if I ever left him he would find me and kill our 2 children.
He would make me watch as he killed them and then he would kill me.
I believed him so I stayed.
I put up with it, also he would say nobody would want me anyway because I was fat and ugly.
My two children kept me going but I knew it was affecting them too, although I tried to hide as much as I could from them I knew they could hear everything.
They even found me laid on the floor a few times after he had beaten me.
Time and time again he said he was sorry.
But was he really sorry?
I saw a poster advertising Women’s Aid one day, it took a lot of courage for me to grab my children and go and speak to them but I did.
They were amazing
They helped to keep myself and my kids safe, they found us a refuge and helped us to move far away.
They helped us to change our names to stop him being able to find us.
They listen to me and because I needed counselling they got me the help I needed.
The refuge itself was lovely, there was always someone there to talk too if needed and someone to help you in any way they could.
Eventually, I was helped to find a lovely house and I’ve never looked back.
Please, if anyone is going through similar there is help out there.
Like mine did so many times, I am guessing he said he was sorry and you think you can still change him, trust me when I say that you can’t.
Stay strong, you can even go and just speak to someone in a woman’s aid office for some advice on how to make a safe plan to escape an abusive relationship.
I love my life now, don’t get me wrong it has been a struggle to get where I am now but I did it and I love my life now.
I’m living a life free of violence and I am finally happy.
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