I met my boyfriend when we went to the same college back in 2007. We were only together a few months before he attacked me for the first time.
He was rather distant when we were at college and even ignored me most of the time.
It certainly didn’t feel or look as if we were even an item, I was so confused.
Was he embarrassed by me?
At home, he was loving and caring.
Or so I thought.
Looking back I should have recognized the abuse signs but I was young and stupid and I as in love.
It was just little things at first, put downs and he was always laughing at me and making me feel stupid.
He hurt to have him laugh at me.
I was living in a hostel and I was not allowed guests to stay over, but he was always making excuses to stay.
I was eventually evicted from the hostel for breaking the rules.
We then both moved into mutual friends flat.
We were sat around one night and when he pinched my cigarettes I asked for them back, he snapped,
He attacked me quite badly
He grabbed me and pinned me to the sofa by my throat.
I was terrified.
I tried to fight back and I managed to kick him, this resulted in being punched in the side of the head.
I didn’t know how to feel when a few months later a pregnancy test showed a positive result.
Our relationship was not stable and it most definitely wasn’t a great warm and loving home to raise a child in.
He was calling me names and emotionally abusing me most days.
He chose my clothes and he chose my friends.
I was always being accused of cheating on him, which I never did; I never got the chance to as I was with him all the time.
I thought the baby would change him
He would be a great dad I was convinced of it.
He attacked me when I was pregnant too.
It was no longer just beatings behind closed doors, he even did it in front of other people, and he just didn’t care.
The ultimate hurt came when he raped me.
Being raped by your partner is horrific, marital rape isn’t something that is spoken about.
Who would even believe me?
How can your boyfriend rape you?
I was so ashamed and I felt so dirty
Sad and lonely I just tried to get over it, but you can’t.
I had just had our baby when he raped me again.
I still had stitches from the birth and the pain was unreal.
I hated him then more than ever, not only had he attacked me so many times and now he was raping me.
This man was not a good daddy at all, how could a daddy rape its child’s mother?
My baby deserved better and that’s why I told my mother and went to the police.
He promised to change, begged for a second chance and promised me we would make the perfect little family.
He wanted to make me happy and I wanted to believe him so much that I stupidly took him back.
I dropped the charges against him
It was not long before he was back to his old ways and it came to ahead one night when he attacked me in front of our baby.
I finally left him and I moved over 250 miles away and I had a court injunction out against him to forbid him from harassing me.
I started to rebuild my life.
My baby saved me and I am now enjoying a life free from abuse and doing all I can to be a good mother.
Do not stay with a man who hurts you, I promise you that he will never change.
Get out and stay out.
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