This is an anonymous blog post
I cannot even begin to explain how it felt telling my parents that my grandad raped me and being told I was a liar.
My word crashed down around me all over again.
I was so young, I was six years old.
What type of person rapes someone let alone a six-year little girl?
I had kept my dirty little secret for years, it had torn me up inside. Not a day went by when I didn’t think of what that monster did to me.
It hurt all over again when my mother would rather believe her father.
My mother and I don’t have a great relationship now, how could I ever trust her again?
A simple game of hide and seek was his way of doing it. It was my punishment if he found me.
My grandad raped me if he could find my hiding place
What type of sick game is that?
It turns my stomach to this day.
I hated what he was doing to me, it hurt so badly.
He told me that I was special and he only did these things because he loved me so much.
I can close my eyes and see him, feel his heavy breath on my face as he lay on top of me, almost crushing me.
It often happened in his garden shed, if I got dirty he brushed me down, if I bled then he cleaned me up.
He was always a loving and doting grandad when others were around, but when he had me alone he changed, he became someone else.
He was nasty, would tell me horrible things would happen to me if I told anyone.
He was right when he told me that my own mother would never believe me.
The abuse continued until I was sixteen
It only stopped because he died.
I was relieved when he died, I know that sounds bad but this man had done so much damage to me, I was glad he was dead, it meant he could no longer hurt me.
I had become a mum of my own and the memories still caused me sleepless nights. I had to tell my parents, share my secret, hoping for some closure.
Telling my parents was difficult, while my father stood by me my mother refused to believe a word I had said.
We don’t talk about I now but I will never be able to forgive her for turning a blind eye to what happened.
My grandad raped me whether she wants to believe me or not and she is the one who has to live with this now.
I choose to build a life of my own after he stole it, I am busy being the best mum I can be to my own child, a child that I will always stand by and protect no matter what.
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