I know how addictions ruin lives and I want to share my story anonymously about how drink and drugs have resulted in me cutting all ties with my big sister.
Every girl wishes they could have a big sister, someone they could look up too, talk to and share relationship secrets with and has someone to join in on the typical girly stuff. I have a big sister but not one that I could do all those things with, mines an alcoholic and a drug addict.
I don’t have happy memories of my sister; I have memories that cause pain, upset and anger instead.
I didn’t know until I was five that she was my sister. I was the baby of the family, and my mum and other siblings made the decision to shield me from the destruction addiction was causing around me.
Now I’m 26 and have had to make the decision to cut her out of my life, for mine and my family’s safety, away from mental and physical abuse.
Addiction is like the ripple effect that’s caused when you throw a stone into the water; each ring represents a person that is affected by the addict and their addiction.
My sister is a mother of 2, but that was never enough for her, drink and drugs always came first. My nephews went from the care system to the prison system, and my niece has formed into a younger version of her mother, and all I can do is sit back and watch.
As a family we have been tarred with the same brush as my sister, we must be an evil family, or we must be addicts too because she is. We have people come up to us and tell us how they have seen her drunk or high as a kite making a fool of herself around the area we live.
Drink and drugs have taken over her life
Words can’t describe how it makes you feel when your told about her behaviours due to drinking and drugs, it’s a mixture of anger, pity, embarrassment and hate.
I’ve watched my mum cry and blame herself for my sister’s life choices, but there was and is no more she could have done. She has asked herself why she is different from my two other siblings and me, what did she do so wrong? But I’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t help an addict if they aren’t willing to help themselves.
We have been called an evil family, a druggie family, all because of my sister’s decisions in life, but we aren’t, we are just an ordinary family.
Growing up I had always suffered from my sister’s lifestyle when I was younger, I was sexually abused by a nephew because of what he was exposed to, and thought was normal.
She spread rumours and lies about me in my hometown, ranging from drug taking to sleeping with her boyfriend, all to deflect from her drink and drugs taking and relationship choices.
I love my sober sister but not the addict
It’s hard because I love her, the dry and straight her but she doesn’t show her face very much anymore, I hate the drunk her, that person isn’t my sister.
Addiction doesn’t just affect the addict; it affects so much more people than that.
I remember seeing her so drunk in the village, she had wet herself and was kicking off, it was midday, I turned and walked the opposite way. People may judge me for my decision, but I had my children with me, and I couldn’t have them seeing their aunt like that.
The other time was at my brothers birthday party, family and friends were all there, I was 14, and I saw my sister drunk, having sex with my brother’s friend in the car park of the venue. Which then led to a family bust up in the middle of the street.
She has lied so many times about being sober, I no longer believe a word she says.
Drink and drugs might have destroyed my big sister’s life but addictions ruin more lives than just the addicts.