Please note this is an anonymous blog post sent in from a member of my Facebook support group, she says Dating my cousin ruined my life but I want other women who are trapped in an abusive relationship to see that they can get out and move on.
One day I came home from school and there was a man coming out of my front door, I really liked the look of him, I was 15, he had blonde hair, blue eyes and Eminem was my idol and he looked similar.
We got talking and he gave me his number we exchanged many phone calls and he used to pick me up and visit me, he always used to ask me to meet him by using the excuse of taking the dog for a walk.
He was a delivery driver and after a few months we got talking about sex, I don’t know how or why but it happened and he asked if I was a virgin, which I was. I felt uneasy at first, it was my first interest in boys and first interest I’d had received. I was dating my cousin. Just to complicate things he was my cousin, not a close one, but my mum’s mum’s sisters son.
I felt uneasy at first, it was my first interest in boys and first interest I’d had received.
I was dating my cousin and was sex with my cousin allowed?
Yes, he was my cousin, not a close one, but my mom’s mom’s sisters son.
Was dating my cousin wrong?
We started kissing in the back of his van one day and he asked me if I wanted to touch him, for some reason I was scared but went along with it. I touched him, I didn’t know what I was doing but he seemed to enjoy it.
He then asked me to use my mouth, I closed up and said that was enough, he started rubbing me through my trousers, I really enjoyed it but I kept saying no to more.
Was it so wrong that my cousin wanted to have sex with me and I wanted to go to the next stage with him?
I was scared of how people would react to the fact that I was dating my cousin. Our visits turned into sexual encounters, each time he got his wish of me sucking him off and he fingered me, I still wanted more although I was afraid of what more was.
Our visits turned into sexual encounters, each time he got his wish of me sucking him off and he fingered me, I still wanted more although I was afraid of what more was.
He encouraged me to bunk off school, he would pull up at the school gate and wait for me and tell me to get into the back of his van. I kept saying no to sex not till I was 16.
My sixteenth birthday soon came around and his present to me yes you guessed it. we then began having intercourse. I remember the first time so much, the cold dirty floor of his van. the coldness of each others
We then began having intercourse.
I remember the first time so much, the cold dirty floor of his van.
The coldness of each other’s bodies.
I told him to stop but he didn’t
For a split second, I told him to stop but he didn’t.
He penetrated me and then I just remember the pain.
After it was over I got out and walked home thinking what have I got myself into?
How could I stop it?
It kept happening.
I was stealing money to ring him and I just couldn’t say no. I was escaping at silly o’clock in a morning meeting him after he been on a night out.
I was escaping at silly o’clock in a morning, meeting him after he been on a night out.
He started taking me to the pub and introducing me as his girlfriend but there was one person he introduced me to as a friend, his son.
Sadly his son and I didn’t get on, his son would punch and kick me. but after a year of keeping our relationship a secret my mom found out, someone had seen us together, she made me choose him or my family.
After a year of keeping our relationship a secret my mom found out, someone had seen us together, she made me choose him or my family.
My mum ended up turning me away
He pressured me into choosing him, it’s hard to explain how and it’s still all vivid. I knew I needed to be on the pill so I made myself an appointment.
I knew I needed to be on the pill so I made myself an appointment. I knew I needed to protect myself from pregnancy.
I had moved into his mom’s house with him, he was so different now we lived together, he used to sit on his computer all night, he then began the bullying and abuse.
He bullied me into watching porn.
He bullied me into having sex on camera.
He wanted a threesome, he told me if I didn’t follow his instructions I’d be homeless.
I was a young and vulnerable, he was all I had.
A few months past, he treated me like rubbish.
I was often covered in bruises.
I found a mobile phone, he was cheating on me and his brother confirmed it. We talked and he swore it was only texting, he hadn’t met her.
I then went on to find email accounts with pictures of him he had sent to girls, this wasn’t the first time either but it was worse because this time I was faced with the proof.
He often went on a lads nights out and didn’t come home. I didn’t know what to do anymore.
His brother used to comfort me, until one day we were sat on the sofa and he touched me, touched me where he shouldn’t.
This also led to more and before I knew what was happening I was being sexually abused by them both.
Looking back on it I can see it wasn’t my fault and this is the reason why I won’t talk or open up to anyone now. I don’t want people to punish me because they know I am weak.
They both made me promise to keep it secret and no one would get hurt but I was the one getting hurt, ever day and night. The double abuse went on for 6 months, till one day we were caught and it all blew up.
I had two brothers fighting over me and then a knife was held to my throat by my partner if you can call him that. His brother then went and tried to commit suicide by driving his car into a bridge and into the river.
I ended up running as fast as I could and hid and I phoned and begged my nan to come and get me. After 3 years of torture, I was relieved to be away. I held my nan so close, slept next to her in bed as I was scared he was going to come get me.
He still swore blind he loved me, he would visit me at my nans after I’d ignored him for a month, but then I had an urge to check on him again.
He fell asleep next to me and, sure enough, there were texts, pictures and all sorts of things on his phone. This one girl was coming to see him at his place. Unfortunately, his mum had passed away so he had the place to himself,
Something inside of me changed, I didn’t need to prove he was cheating, I deserved better and with the support of work friends I stayed strong,
He used to come round to mine banging on the door but I phoned the police. They told him to stay away and gave me a crime number and I got my mobile number changed.
He slowly began to accept I was not going to go back to him.
Dating my cousin was the worst mistake of my life.
Thankfully after 4 years on my own, I’m still a weak person and paranoid but I learnt to trust again and have moved on with a new partner and I now have kids.
Emma, you are the first person I’ve told this too, no one knows this but I feel so much better for just writing about my experience and I hope I can help just one more person who has been through similar feel less alone.