I wrote this bipolar poem a number of years ago, but I wanted to share it here on the blog. I wonder how many can relate to the poem?
Do you think that I am crazy or think I have gone mad ,
One minute I act so happy, the next I am down and sad?
You ask me many questions , the answers I can not find,
I know you are trying to help me, but I can not control my mind.
Would you call me crazy or think I was insane
If I told you about the man I saw standing in the rain?
What about the others , the ones who look unkind?
You do not see these figures, they are only in my mind.
I see the figures moving , fear washes over me, I freeze ,
How could I ever tell you , it is not something you could believe.
Would you still want me if I told you, some of the things that I really feel ,
Like somebody behind me , they are chasing me , but it’s not real.
That fear,the panic the adrenalin, that makes me want to run and hide ,
Would you still want to be that man , standing by my side?
The thought someone wants to kill me while sitting on my own,
You have no idea how scared I am when I am all alone.
The voices wake me in the night, although I can’t hear what is said,
I lie there shaking next to you , too scared to leave the bed.
There is no way of me knowing when my mood will decide to swing,
Perhaps I might want to dance today , twirl around and sing.
I might walk out in front of that car as it could not hurt me at all,
I am too high up in the clouds to notice that I could fall.
I will spend some money widely ,does not matter how much I waste,
For once I get that rushed feeling, I just savour the sweet taste.
Perhaps I will be angry and become agitated and not sit still ,
Then along comes the postman and in the bin, goes another bill.
Do you ever wonder why I forget things that I have said ,
Some days I am too frightened to even get out of my bed,
With no clue to what will be my mood , not something I can choose,
Out of choice I hope it is a high as then, I never lose,
On a high I become someone else , someone much better than me,
I am invisible to the world , I can do anything then you see.
I could be a writer , a model , perhaps I will be a nurse
But this is not really me , it’s a high mood which is a curse.
And then I hit the ground again and the depression does its best
It leaves me feeling tired , my mind just needs to rest
Then I turn into a monster, screaming I hate you, I want you out,
Sometimes you are scared to talk to me incase I start to shout.
I can not bear to feel you touch me , stay away I want to be alone,
Only I hear the knock at the door or the ringing of the phone,
I have no control over my feelings , I will often sit and cry,
This is when that voice creeps in, to tell me just to die.
This is a daily battle , not something that will go away,
Are you sure you can handle this , that you really want to stay,
I know that you are trying to love whichever person I have to be ,
It is so difficult to remember which is bipolar and which is me.