Please note that these are real abortion stories and experiences and are written very honestly and openly and may be upsetting to some readers. While nobody can help you decide what decision you make, these stories were written in the hope of helping someone else out there, going through the very same thing.
5 Abortion Stories And Experiences Written From The Heart
1 – Having An Abortion Was The Right Choice – Sarah
Having an abortion was the right choice to make in my situation and you should never feel guilty if it’s the best thing for you to do. I want to share why having an abortion was the right choice for me in the hope of helping another woman going through this situation to see that sometimes it can be the best thing to do.
My partner and I had separated, he had been cheating on me with my best friend. We had been together for 5 years, from the age of 15 and I didn’t think he would ever cheat on me. I was devastated. Our child was only 10 months old when I became a single mom. I was living on my own and doing the best I could. He still refused to remove his belongings from the house. We rowed about it one day and he pinned me up against the wall by my throat, all in front of his mother.
I broke down
I broke down and in the end, his mom thankfully took his stuff. I have left in a lot if debt, I still am to this day. A few weeks after we had separated I realized that I was late on my period. I put it down to stress but a week or so later I just knew I was pregnant. I didn’t know how I would cope with another child on my own. I decided there was only one option, an abortion.
I went to see my doctor who referred me to a hospital to have the abortion done. I was 8 weeks pregnant when I was examined. I was so embarrassed as all the doctors would have known why I was there but I needed to do what was best for me and my child.
No one knew apart from my closest 2 friends, one had my child while I had the procedure done and one took me to the day clinic and picked me up. Sitting waiting to have it done was nerve-wracking. I began speaking to a girl next to me and we both sort of calmed each other down.
We were called down to have the procedure done in pairs, an Indian lady came past me sobbing her heart out, this is when I seriously thought even more than ever about the situation I was in. Was having an abortion the right thing to do? I was put to sleep. When I woke up I felt so relieved, it was over and I just wanted to go home. I was allowed home after an hour and I was given contraception.
To this day I do not regret my decision. Having an abortion was the right choice for me to make at that time in my life. I do not think about it now. I don’t feel proud of what I did but I knew it was the right thing to do. To this day only those 2 friends and my now partner know about it.
I’m not a murderer, heartless or a nasty person, I did what I thought was right for the child I already had. Having an abortion was the right choice to make in my situation and you should never feel guilty if it’s the best thing to do.
(*Names have been changed on the abortion stories and experiences shared)
2 – Becoming Pregnant After Having An Abortion – Debbie
I Feel guilty after becoming pregnant after abortion and more so because I didn’t want that baby but I do this one. I am sharing my anonymous story here on the blog with Emma as I want to remain anonymous yet also feel sharing my story will hopefully show other women going through this that they are not alone with their feelings.
I had an abortion last year, early on in pregnancy, an abortion at 6 weeks. I had always been against abortions but I felt like I had to for my family. I had 3 kids already aged between 1 and 5. This pregnancy wasn’t planned at all, unlike my others. I remember with my other 3 being excited and happy seeing 2 lines appear on the test. This time, I was scared and upset.
Maybe it was because it was unexpected, a shock. Maybe it was because I knew I didn’t want another, I didn’t know then and I don’t know now. The baby’s dad felt the same, shocked and not a happy reaction. We decided together that it was “for the best”. I remember sitting in the waiting room after my scan. I knew the scan photo was in the file I was holding. I tried so hard not to look. I thought if it looks like a baby there is no way I can go through with this. A little blob was all I could see. I was only 5 weeks so it was likely just the yolk sac at that point.
I went on my own because I thought it best. It was bad enough me being there never mind my partner too. He did offer but I said no. So sitting there on my own did feel a little odd. I felt I was being stared at by others who were sat with their partners, I bet they were thinking I’d got knocked up on a one-night stand or didn’t know who the dad was. That was far from the truth. In fact, I have never had a one-night stand in my life.
Sitting in the room with the nurse with a cup of water and the first pill, I popped it in my mouth, hands shaking. I couldn’t swallow it. I spat it out several times. I didn’t think I was going to go through with it. I was crying. I don’t know what made me eventually swallow that pill but I regretted it straight away. Soon as the nurse said I could go I went to the bathroom to try to be sick and stop it from working.
Going back two days later for the other pill was horrible. I sat down and again I was crying my eyes out. I asked if there was any way I could not take this pill and have my baby instead. She told me no. The abortion pill I took first would have likely had stopped any heartbeat and growing and even if the baby did survive they would likely to be very poorly.
I hated myself
How had I done this? I took the pill and ran out of there. I never wanted to go back. A few days later I was hardly bleeding. I called up like I was told to if I hadn’t bled properly. I was made to go in and was scanned again. I hoped beyond hope that they found my baby. That the abortion had failed. That I was given a chance. But I was wrong. I was told I was “lucky” to not be having a bad time with my bleeding and not in pain.
I wanted the pain, I wanted the bleeding. I deserved it for what I had done. I hated myself for having that abortion. Why I had the abortion I know, for my family, for my children. Financially I was not in the right place for another. I was still young. My 2nd and 3rd child both had health issues and that meant a lot of appointments. I needed to concentrate on them. My partner had long working hours and hardly saw us as it was without having to provide for another child.
At the same time, I know now how much I would have loved and wanted that baby. It would have been almost one by now, instead, I am pregnant after abortion with another baby. A baby I decided to keep. I feel guilty for having an abortion every single day. But I am now pregnant after abortion and I feel so guilty, not just for the abortion itself but for allowing myself to fall pregnant again and for choosing to keep this one but not that one. What makes this baby more important or different from the other? Nothing. A life is a life. I chose to end one and not the other. How is that fair of me?
I am in a better place financially yes. But I am not with my partner anymore. The abortion was the beginning of the end for us. I wish it wasn’t but it was, I blamed him for letting me do it, for agreeing to it. Even though I know it was my body and my choice. It was wrong of me to blame him. I know that now, but it is too late.
This baby is with someone else and he isn’t even around. How much is that just a slap in the face?! A lot I can tell you. I am getting on with it, though. This baby is due a month before my other would be turning 1. Still feels wrong. I keep thinking what if. What if I kept that baby? Would it be a boy or a girl? What would their name have been?
What would they look like? Would I be having this baby now? Would we still be together? These are probably pretty standard questions but it does my head in so much right now. I Hate myself. I wish my child’s dad was this baby’s dad too. Things would be easier in some ways. Being single this time whilst pregnant is karma I guess. Having to do it on my own is punishment for screwing up what I had before.
I’m still against abortion
I feel guilty for having an abortion, it makes me realize it was so wrong. I wish I had been refused it. It messes with your head. Well, it does mine. I’ve lost babies before and that hurts like hell, so how I thought to end a life was right I will never know. Clearly not in my own mind when I did it. I regret it. I hate myself for it. I know I need to concentrate on this baby and the ones I already have but still.
It still hurts. It still haunts me. I feel guilty for being pregnant after the abortion so if you ever think about an abortion please think it over long and hard. Nobody but me and my partner knows really. It’s in my notes for medical reasons and I am so ashamed, I bet the midwives and doctors are disgusted that I could do that and then have another a year later. I know I am.
Why did I keep this one? Trust me, it wasn’t planned and I wish I hadn’t fallen pregnant, to be honest as bad as that is. Bad of me I know. Again, hate me for feeling like that. I kept this baby as I couldn’t face another abortion. I hoped it was my second chance even if I do have to do it on my own.
(*Names have been changed on the abortion stories and experiences shared)
3 – I Wanted The Baby But He Didn’t – Helen
Feeling low in December of last year, I had recently found out I was expecting a baby and I guess the news was a huge shock to the system. The baby wasn’t planned and when I shared the news with my partner it wasn’t the reaction I had hoped for. My boyfriend didn’t want the baby and this is why abortion is wrong for me because it’s not what I want but he told me in no uncertain terms that I had to get rid of it.
I had been unfaithful earlier on in our relationship and we were still trying to move on from that, he found it difficult to trust me and we still had a few problems we were trying to work through, a baby being thrown into the mess turned everything upside down. I guess I secretly hoped that a baby would help us move forward as a family, make us stronger, enable us to have a fresh start.
But my boyfriend didn’t want the baby and I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I wanted the baby and this is why abortion is wrong for me. I knew that. I had to decide if to keep the baby and lose him, or terminate the pregnancy and keep him. It was such a difficult time, but I felt I owed it to him, after all, I had already put him through.
I had an idea of how many weeks into the pregnancy I was and had worked out when my baby’s due date would be. I tortured myself for days. But in the end, I knew that without my boyfriend’s support there was no way I would be able to raise a baby alone.
Should I have an abortion?
I needed him and although abortion was wrong for me I felt I had no choice. I felt empty and so alone. How did I know if the decision I made was the right one? What if I made the wrong choice? It took all the strength I could find to pick up that phone and with shaking hands and between heartbreaking sobs I dialed the number to my local abortion clinic. I made an appointment.
On the day of my appointment, I arrived alone and afraid and wracked with guilt and sadness, I was six weeks pregnant. An abortion at 6 weeks had to be easier to deal with than leaving it any longer.
I had no idea how I was going to get through this. I was breaking inside and nobody could help me. My name was finally called after what felt like a lifetime as I sat in the cold waiting room. I was taken to a room where they checked my blood pressure. It was high but what did they expect given my situation.
I had to have a scan so they could determine how far into the pregnancy I was. I was told not to look, but I couldn’t help it. There on the screen, barely visible was my unborn child, my baby. I wanted to jump up and run, run as fast and as far from that clinic as possible, but I couldn’t. My boyfriend didn’t want the baby and I didn’t have any other choice.
I thought about the little boy I already had, he was four years old and he needed his mommy to be strong for him, I used my love for him to keep me strong enough to have the procedure. He couldn’t and didn’t deserve to be in this situation and I needed to keep things as easy as I could at home for his sake. I stayed strong, only crying at night-time when nobody knew. I painted a fake smile on my face and just got on with things the best I could. But it didn’t stop the pain, it didn’t stop the guilt.
But months on the feelings of emptiness are back, I feel so low. I can’t stop crying and I can’t stop the guilt from eating me up inside. The side effects of abortion are tearing me up inside. Did I make the right decision? Had I have kept my baby he or she would be due to born very soon.
My boyfriend didn’t want the baby, but I did and I did it to keep him and this is why abortion was wrong for me. I feel an emptiness inside of me like I am missing something. I can’t forgive myself for what I did and I am so afraid that I should be punished in some way for what I did.
How can I move on when I can’t forget or forgive myself? My boyfriend didn’t want the baby, but I did, so very much so.
(*Names have been changed on the abortion stories and experiences shared)
4 – How Would I cope If I Had An Abortion? – Amy
I want to share anonymously with you why the fear of how I would cope after an abortion made me change my mind, I didn’t end the pregnancy and I decided to keep my baby.
I had missed that time of the month at least 4 times in the past and I assumed it was nothing as my periods had never been regular until I spoke to a friend and plucked up the courage to go to the doctors. At lunch time we left school, I was 15 at the time and I went to see the nurse and told her I was 4 months late, so she said “right 4 weeks late” I said no 4 MONTHS late. She talked about doing a pregnancy test, so we did one and the words I really didn’t want to hear came out of her mouth “your pregnant I’ll need to examine you”.
Behind the curtain I went, pants and knickers off, she confirmed I was a few months and said to me bluntly “I am guessing you want to book a termination” I nodded my head she told me to come back after school for the paperwork. I walked out of the room, back into the waiting room where my friend was waiting, I was white and she knew straight away. I burst into tears and told her to swear not to tell a soul, she didn’t, time passed and the day of the termination came.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I asked my friend to come, she said she couldn’t, she had to go to school, so off I went on my own. I remember getting to the station feeling numb, standing in the train toilets crying, scrubbing the jam of my jacket that I had dropped down myself on my mom’s jacket, thinking she was going to kill me.
I got on the train listening to my MP3 player until my stop came. I got off and walked up the road, arriving at the clinic which was a big posh house. I checked in and had to have a scan. I didn’t see the screen, it all felt so surreal, again I ran to the toilets crying my eyes out.
How would I cope after an abortion?
Would I ever be able to forgive myself? Should I have an abortion at all. or should I keep my baby? I had a blood test and had to explain why I couldn’t and why I shouldn’t have this baby. I was too young, wasn’t I? I couldn’t have coped with a baby. Surely this really wasn’t happening to me. The lady said she would book me a bed and told me I would have to give birth to the baby, I felt sick. She made a joke about it saying “I bet I wished I had come to the clinic a week earlier”.
Did she really think this was a laughing matter, I didn’t. People asked questions and I lied and said I was on my period. A rumor started that I was pregnant and I denied it, it phased out until one day the school counselor came and got me out of my a lesson, she asked me if I was pregnant, of course, I denied it.
She said “you’re having a girl” I can tell from your bump, I denied it again until I cracked and begged her not to tell my mom till after Christmas. But one day I was out with my mom, she had an answer phone message from social services, she thought it was because of my attendance at school and she thought I lied about always fainting. She had no idea at all that I was pregnant. I got home with her and my sister had left a note about social services coming around, I ran to my boyfriends and hid.
My sister phoned me, said my mom knew I was pregnant and was coming for me. I was so scared at this point, I was 7 months pregnant. I went for a scan and went from there and to this day I remember the fear of it all going through all that on my own. I was far too afraid of life after an abortion that made me keep my secret and my baby. I was terrified but I honestly wouldn’t change a second of it. But I am so pleased that I couldn’t go through having an abortion.
My daughter is now 8 years old, I carried on at school and I did my exams. I went to college all thanks to my mom. The stereotype of really young moms is rubbish, I had my baby and yeah I was young but I wouldn’t be where I am today without her. I never got to find out if I could forgive myself after an abortion because I could go through it.
(*Names have been changed on the abortion stories and experiences shared)
5 – My Parents Forced Me To Have An Abortion – Michelle
My anxiety started after my eldest sister passed away very suddenly. I was only 12 and my family was very close and loving, but after she died my father didn’t want to know me, as I looked like her. He’d ask me for a cuddle when he was drunk and crying then would push me away from him, telling me to “fuck off”. I was only 12, I didn’t understand. I would cry, all I wanted was my family back to the way it was.
Every night they’d drink in silence and me and my sisters were left sat there wondering if our family would ever be ok again. The day my sister died my sisters and I were at my uncle’s house while my parents were at the hospital, as the doctor phoned telling them to go there as soon as they could. It was night-time so we couldn’t go.
The next day they arrived back at my uncle’s house and when they walked in my body went cold, when I saw the look on my mom and dads face I knew. I asked desperately if my sister was ok to which my dad replied no she’s dead, he was so cold. My world was broken that very second and I was shattered every piece of me went numb me and she was very close I couldn’t believe it.
I was heartbroken and it was the day after my 12th birthday. That night when we arrived home my mom and dad sat crying and I sat staring at a cup on the table and thought I want to kill myself, I’m going to do it.I had my first panic attack. I was terrified at what I had thought and how strongly I wanted to do it. I went to stay with my uncle that night, I wanted to be as far away from my family as possible, that way I could pretend it was all a dream. My panic attacks continued but I didn’t tell anyone, I didn’t understand what they were, but I was very frightened of them and thought I was going mad.
I was a scared little girl looking for help but didn’t know where to turn for help I couldn’t tell my parents how I was feeling as they had enough to deal with losing their daughter. I kept it secret, I began to develop severe separation anxiety with my mom, I’d follow her everywhere and if she went out I would pace up and down the living room crying, thinking she too would die, it was horrible.
Panic attacks were ruling my life
The anxiety and panic attacks eventually went after a few years and by the time I was 14 I felt ok, but my family has still torn apart. My dad still had something against me; it seemed maybe because I looked like my sister I’m not sure. That’s when my mom’s anxiety started, fear of breast cancer was her biggest anxiety and she was a mess and turned to us for help.
I tried to support her as my dad just called her silly, but I was only 14. I did my best, it was only when my mom started going through anxiety I realized that’s what I had when I was 12. I felt relieved but still kept it to myself.
My mom eventually got passed her anxiety after a few years of hell we started looking forward. I fell pregnant at the age of 19 and it was the best thing to have happened to my family, finally, we had a reason to smile and feel happy and my son glued our family back together and filled the gap in our hearts caused by my sister passing.
I was a happy single mummy to be, the father didn’t want to know but I didn’t care, I was happy I was going to be a mummy. I gave birth to my son in March and was so happy, I took to motherhood right away and had lots of help from my mom and dad and loved seeing my dad smile again.
When my son was about 6 months I met someone and we became an item though I didn’t let him meet my son as I wanted to get to know him first properly. I was happy finally, I had my baby boy and a new partner but it soon went pair shaped. I fell pregnant again, the first time we had sex and for the second time, my world fell apart.
My mom and dad stopped talking to me but did say if I had this baby I was a selfish mom and a bad mom to the son I already had. I was distraught. I looked for support desperately but there was none. I wanted my baby so badly but everyone else looked at me like I was dirt. I was disgusting for carrying this baby, I couldn’t bare it.
I was pushed into living in my bedroom 24/7 with my baby who was 8 months old. My mom and dad were not talking to me and I would sit in my room listening to them slag me of saying I was a terrible mom for falling pregnant yet again. I remember hearing my dad say to my mom, “she needs to hurry up and bleed it out” or something to that effect. I would sit there crying, they made me feel like dirt and I believed them. I was a bad mom for been pregnant again.
My partner’s dad turned up at mine and spoke to my parents whilst I was in the room saying how he’d pay for a private abortion, my mom and dad saying how kind he was to offer. I sat with tears streaming down my face, thinking I wanted my baby but I couldn’t speak, I don’t know why but I couldn’t
I ran to my bedroom and cried
It was unbearable then my anxiety returned with a vengeance and I was about to go through sheer hell, my anxiety returned in the form of intrusive thoughts about my son. I had images of hurting him, not wanting to hurt him, just images that I had. Shaking with fear I couldn’t bear to look at my son because of the guilt I felt.
I loved him so much how could I think anything like that? I kept it to myself for a few weeks with the thoughts continuing. I was a mess, my day was one big panic attack, I was mortified, terrified, sad and alone. I was pregnant and my partner didn’t give two shits nor did my mom and dad who continued to ignore me and give me dirty looks.
I went to my GP and told him about my thoughts, I thought I was turning into some thin awful. I was convinced they would take my son and to be honest, I hoped they would and then he would be safe. I was not expecting the GP to smile and tell me I had a very common form of anxiety. Anxiety can cause you to think awful things she explained, that lots of moms suffer from intrusive thoughts and it was caused by anxiety and postnatal depression, I felt so relieved. I wasn’t turning into something awful, but in fact, many moms suffer this, the relief wasn’t long lasting, although my GP gave me Valium to control the nonstop panic attacks I’d had for a month or so I was reluctant to take them.
I knew they made you sleepy and I couldn’t be sleepy and look after my son, plus I was pregnant, I didn’t want to harm the baby. I grew apart from my son, I didn’t want to touch him or look at him. I was too scared too; my life was hell sheer hell. I can’t describe the constant fear I was in. I wasn’t eating through feeling so panicked all the time and my morning sickness wasn’t even letting me keep water down. I lost over a stone and hadn’t eaten in weeks. I don’t know how I even managed to function, but I did.
I began showing a little and showed my mom my tiny slight bump in the hope she’d warm to it, but nope she just looked and raised her eyebrow. Why was I being forced into abortion, why would nobody help me?
I arranged to have an abortion at 9 weeks
My mom and dad started talking to me again and my partner was happy. I was a mess; I didn’t want to do it. I thought I could not cope, I could not look after the son I had let alone another. I’m a bad mom and can’t put another baby through this I thought.
I went to the hospital with my mom and partner; I was scared and knew I was doing the wrong thing. But that’s what my family wanted. They made me an outcast and secluded me from everything. I was alone and scared. I sat in the hospital cubical crying so much, I didn’t want to get rid of my baby I was desperate for my partner or mom to say its ok we will help you keep your baby, but nothing. I changed into the gown and was called into a room where a nurse told me what was going to happen. I went cold and numb and stared into space with tears streaming whilst she told me, she then said are you sure this is what you want and I cried even harder nodding my head no.
I walked out of the room with people staring and cried so much my mom finally said keep the baby ill help you. That feeling was amazing, I could keep my baby and I would have help with overcoming the intrusive thoughts and have support in raising my kids, my partner stayed silent. We arrived home and within half an hour of me telling everyone I was pregnant, I felt so happy and anxiety free.
My mom soon turned to me and said its selfish keeping this baby, I said but you said you would help, you said to keep the baby and she fell silent. Bang my anxiety returned that instant, how could she do this, how could she be so cold, how could she turn my world upside down again? My partner rang saying his nan said she hoped I would have had a miscarriage, I was in so much turmoil it was unbelievable, my dad who had begun talking to me again when I arranged the abortion stopped talking to me again when he found out I didn’t go through with it.
I started seeing a counselor about the abortion and told her I didn’t want too but I was in so much pain, I couldn’t cope, I cried and cried, I was 12 weeks by now. I started losing any feelings and became emotionally numb; it was my only way to cope. My anxiety was at its worst and I arranged another abortion.
My mom and dad once again started talking to me, telling me how it was for the best and that now I was a good mom for having an abortion. I desperately needed my mom and dad back; I needed help with my mental issues. The morning of the abortion came and I and my ex-partner traveled to the clinic, I couldn’t have it done at the hospital now as I was over 9 weeks. I sat in the car numb feeling sick to the point I was sick at the thought of what was to happen, we arrived there and booked in and sat in the waiting room.
Other pregnant women sat laughing and joking, I couldn’t understand it; they were there to have an abortion how could they not be in the emotional turmoil I was in? I sat crying with my partner staring at his feet, I was due to go in at 9.30am but that time came and went. Finally, by about 13 weeks, I was called in where I was told I needed a scan, I asked why, why on earth do I need a scan?
I didn’t want to see the baby
I said no way, you’re not scanning me and they explained rather coldly that they had to be sure of my dates so they could do the right procedure. I wanted to run, to run a million miles away but my partner’s mom had driven us miles to get there and I couldn’t face telling her I didn’t do it. I was scared of what she’d say to me. I was so scared of everything. I laid on the bed with my head turned to the wall whilst she scanned me, tears falling from my eyes like a river, saying over and over I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry to my unborn child.
The thought that she was looking at my baby and knowing what I was about to do killed me, the scan was over and I got up and walked back out into the waiting room where I waited till gone 6 pm when they finally called me in, this was it. I wanted to run I looked around for a way out when the nurse came and took my arm. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t, nothing would come out. I was laid on the bed when I felt a pain in my hand; they were putting me to sleep.
I was woken after and I had been crying the whole time, the first thing I said was sorry whilst I cried my eyes out some more, what had I done? I was taken to a room to recover from the drugs they used to put me under and was sat on a chair with about 5 other girls all sat sipping water and reading a magazine. I looked around and I was the only one crying the others looked like they were waiting to have their hair done in a salon.
I returned home half the person I was and cried nonstop holding my tummy saying sorry over and over, my dad came home from the pub came up to my room and said how much of a good mom I was for doing it. How it was best for the son I already have, I just felt numb, my anxiety went which surprised me, it vanished but I was left with grief and pain and guilt
Two weeks after my partner called me and dumped me over the phone and hung up, holding the phone to my ear still and cried but half of me was glad as he was just a reminder. Taking it day by day gradually I started feeling better no more intrusive thoughts and I was so happy to be able to look after my son again without being scared. I started to smile again and I was being treated like a person again by mom and dad though the pain I still felt for my baby and guilt was unbearable. The following year Christmas was getting closer and so was the date I had the abortion the previous year.
I was terrified once again
My intrusive thoughts were back, I kept it to myself again through fear of what others would think, I was soon back in that hell hole of anxiety and constant panic. I saw my GP who again put me on Valium, this time, I took them and they did help a lot. After a few months, the thoughts went once again. I was so relieved I can’t describe how much. The next year near Christmas I grew anxious, very anxious, as I feared they’d return but they didn’t and I got on with my life. I met my amazing fiancé who took on my son and we decided to try for another baby. I was so happy. All I wanted since the abortion was to; right or wrong have another baby.
I’m not sure how that sounds to you but my GP said it was common after having an abortion. This was not just a termination, I was forced into abortion I told my mom I was pregnant and told her it would not work, this time, I was keeping his baby no matter what and she accepted it. My son was now 3 years old, I fell very quickly the first month trying and I was over the moon, so was my fiancé, but then at 8 weeks pregnant I started to think about the baby I aborted and the guilt came flooding back.
As did the emotional turmoil and with that so did the intrusive thoughts. Not again, I cried, I broke down and told my mom and I thought about suicide, I couldn’t cope with this for the 3rd time. The thought of suicide scared me so much, I rang out of hours GP who sent a doctor out right away, who gave me Valium but I refused to take them as I was pregnant. The next day I went to my GP and asked for alternative help as I wouldn’t take medication whilst being pregnant, she referred me to a mental health crisis team who saw me every day, came to my house and offered so much support.
It was so hard dealing with it being pregnant and having a 3-year-old son, but I did it and by 5 months my intrusive thoughts had vanished thank god. I returned to my happy state but was always wary of a depression relapse. I gave birth to my second son and we were so happy. I was still living with my parents waiting for housing to find me and my family a home. It was hard and I suffered from postnatal depression again but kept strong, then when my baby was 8 weeks out of the blue I had a huge panic attack out of nowhere. It felt like intense pressure and burning sweeping through my body and I thought I was dying.
I jumped up from my bed and rang an ambulance who told me it was a panic attack, I didn’t believe them.That was 16 months ago now and iv suffered from severe health anxiety since. Every day I have symptoms of horrible illnesses, my symptoms can range from my limbs going numb and I can’t walk to chest pains, head pains, severe dizziness, and my skin feels like its burning and 100s of other symptoms every day. I convince myself I have a terrible illness. I live in fear every day for my health and I’m struggling if I’m honest but I refuse to take meds and I will fight this once and for all. I refuse to let this mental illness reduce me to what it has in the past.
I refuse to be a victim
I refuse to stop fighting, not a day goes past where I don’t think about my baby, my arms physically ache through longing to cuddle my baby. I know if it wasn’t for his mental illness I would have been strong enough to have told everyone to fuck off who told me to abort my baby and I would have been strong enough to have coped. It’s my cross to bear and I shall never forgive myself. I was forced into abortion and it has ruined my life. I’m now living with my fiance and our 2 kids, anxiety is an everyday part of my life now but I won’t give up.
(*Names have been changed)
Please note that these are real abortion stories and experiences and are written very honestly and openly and may upset some of you. While nobody can help you decide what decision you make, these stories were written in the hope of helping someone else out there, going through the very same thing. If you have your own story to share you can do so anonymously right here on the blog.